Author: Dean

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Feminist Valentine

Calvin B., Hope Dector and I made a Valentine for you all.
Download to share as PDF | as JPG | as individual JPG images
image of romance book cover with text reading 'The Romance Myth'
Image of Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire - you complete me with text reading 'Romantic love is the most important relationship people can have, It's worth dying for, It completes you, Romantic love is EXCLUSIVE, If it's real, you won't find anyone else attractive or get crushes on anyone else.
Image from Twilight with text reading 'Obsession, jealousy and possession are natural and okay - it means he likes you, If it's real, it will last forever and should lead to marriage and happily ever after'
Image of Catch Him and Keep Him book cover with text reading 'Compete with others to gain romantic attention from desirable partners, Women must be sexually willing and adventurous to keep men, but if a woman enjoys sex or pursues it she's a slut, Women should give up everything for their kids and husbands or they are selfish'
Image of The Little Mermaid with text reading 'To get romance, women must be skinny, sexy, and able to perform every cultural fantasy about femininity and submission, yet also independent and confident'
Image of cis heterosexual couple in sunset with text reading 'What the romance myth feeds - dependency and resentment, cheating, and domestic violence, 30 percent of relationships, queer and straight alike, include domestic violence'
Image of Cosmo cover with text reading 'Research shows that 80 percent of women are unhappy with what they see when they look in the mirror, That makes sense because the current media ideal for women's bodies is achievable by less than 5 percent of women in terms of weight and size, Top models weigh 23 percent less than the average woman, Eating disorders are the third most common chronic illness among women, 81 percent of 10-yr-old girls in the US have dieted at least once, The single largest group of high school students considering or attempting suicide are girls who feel they are overweight'
Image of Simpsons with Marge cleaning while Homer sleeps and Bart plays with text reading 'Economic vulnerability, especially for women, One partner is coerced into unpaid domestic labor, and often can't get out of the relationship because of loss of job experience and earning potential'
Image of Kim Kardashian and Chris Humphries at their wedding with text reading 'Who Benefits from the Romance Myth - 38 billion dollar hair industry, 33 billion dollar diet industry, 40 billion dollar wedding industry, 24 billion dollar skincare industry, 18 billion dollar makeup industry, 15 billion dollar perfume industry, 13 billion dollar cosmetic surgery industry'
Image of ad for The Bachelor with text reading 'Men, of course, these dynamics are also true in lesbian and gay relationships, and not all men are in relationships that match these standards, but for the most part, men still do less dishes, change fewer diapers, and have more orgasms, All the bosses and corporations who get the benefit of unpaid domestic labor that makes it possible for paid laborers to come to work because their food, emotional, childcare, sexual, and other needs are met at home'
Image of Toto revealing the wizard in the film The Wizard of Oz with text reading 'Dispel the Romance Myth'

  • Image Descriptions:
  • Slide 1: A torso of a shirtless man and a woman in a red silky neglige, he is grabbing her waist and she appears to be pulling up her skirt. The text says : Temptation too powerful to resist: The Romance Myth.
  • Slide 2: Image of Tom Cruise delivering the famous line from “Jerry Maguire”: “I love you. You…complete me.” Text below says: “Romantic love is EXCLUSIVE! If it’s real, you won’t find anyone else attractive or get crushes on anyone else.”
  • Slide 3: Image of Edward and Bella laying in the meadow staring at each other from Twilight movie. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you…I’d rather die than be away from you.” Text says “Obsession, jealousy and possession are natural and ok. It mean’s he likes you. When its real it should last forever and lead to marriage and happily ever after.”Slide 4: Shows book cover of a book called “Catch Him and Keep Him: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right… And Keeping Him for Good!” Text says: “Compete with others to gain romantic attention from desirable partners. Women must be willing and adventurous to keep men, but if a woman enjoys sex or pursues it she’s a slut. Women should give up everything for their kids and husbands or they are selfish.”
  • Slide 5: Still from the Little Mermaid movie of Ariel in the sea talking to her friends. Text says: “To get romance, women must be skinny, sexy and able to perform every cultural fantasy about femininity and submission, yet also independent and confident.”
  • Slide 6: Image of a couple in the ocean together with the setting sun behind them about to kiss that says “Stalking Love.” Text says: “What the Romance Myth Feeds: Dependence & Resentment & Cheating & Domestic Violence.. 30% of relationships, queer and straight alike, include domestic violence.”
  • Slide 7: Background is the cover of a women’s magazine that says in large letters “Flatten your belly.” Text says: “Research shows that 80% of women are unhappy with what they see when they look in the mirror. That makes sense because the current media ideal for women’s bodies is achievable by less than 5% of women in terms of weight and size.  Top models weigh 23% less than the average woman. Eating disorders are the third most common chronic illness among women. 81% of 10-yr-old girls in the US have dieted at least once. The single largest group of high school students considering or attempting suicide are girls who feel they are overweight.”  
  • Slide 8: Background is a scene from the Simpsons with Marge cleaning while Homer sleeps on the couch and Bart runs through the room after the dog. Text says: “Economic vulnerability (especially for women)–one partner coerced into unpaid domestic labor, often can’t get out of relationship because of loss of job experience and earning potential”
  • Slide 9: Image of a celebrity wedding with woman in traditional dress and veil and man in white tuxedo. Text says: “WHO BENEFITS? The $40 billion wedding industry.The $38 billion hair industry. The $33 billion diet industry. The $24 billion skincare industry. The $18 billion makeup industry. The $15 billion perfume industry.The $13 billion cosmetic surgery industry.”
  • Slide 10: Image from The Wizard of Oz with Dorothy finding the Wizard behind the current. Text says: Dispel the Romance Myth!
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Videos and interview

Here is a recent interview on Society and Space–thanks to Natalie Oswin for asking very interesting questions!

I have some new video projects to share.  Here are four short movies that Reina Gossett and I made with Hope Dector from the Barnard Center for Research on Women. Please join us for a live online discussion of them on February 7.

Reina Gossett + Dean Spade (Part 1): Prison Abolition + Prefiguring the World You Want to Live In.

Reina Gossett + Dean Spade (Part 2): Practicing Prison Abolition Everyday

Reina Gossett + Dean Spade (Part 3): What About the Dangerous People?

Reina Gossett + Dean Spade (Part 4): Gun Control + Producing Dangerousness

Also, I am excited about two new videos out from Washington Incarceration Stops Here!

Please share these videos!